


Cry me a River (Re-upload)

by bondagefish



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Assassins & Hitmen, Bad Spanish, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Broken Families, Character Death, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hope vs. Despair, Hurt Lance (Voltron), I'll add more tags as i go, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inappropriate Humor, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Speaks Spanish, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mild Smut, Multi, Mutual Pining, POV Multiple, Past Child Abuse, Personal Growth, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Drugs, Spanish Lance (Voltron), Tragic Romance, dont come for me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bondagefish/pseuds/bondagefish
Summary: "Look at me Mijo when I tell you this, don't let anyone get to you. No matter how hard things might get, pain is just weakness leaving the body. I want you to be strong, and listen to your instincts and of course your momma. I love you baby, and I'd be damned if anyone takes you away from me.">Lance's parents are hitmen and while people are on their list, they're also people on a list. This story deals with the repercussions of Lance's childhood and how those events made him who he is today. Lance McClain is on a journey of finding himself and he's unsure if he ever will.
Relationships: Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance/Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron), Lance/Lotor (Voltron), Lance/Shiro (Voltron)
Kudos: 18





	Cry me a River (Re-upload)

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story 2 years ago and never had the chance to finish it. And in the process of finally having the chance to start writing again, I accidentally deleted the whole story. I was literally devastated because not only was it my most popular fic, I was also unable to get a copy of it. So at the time, I lost everything but a few notes. Luckily ao3 sent me a redacted version of my story (but that was just a mess) and I uploaded the story on fanfiction.net. So here I am better than ever. So if you are a person who somehow remembers this story, welcome back. And if you're new, you're in for a treat. Overall the plot is the same but since vld is over, I had to make some adjustments. Thanks for reading! I appreciate it to the fullest!

**July 28th, 2007**

**Cuba**

**9:15 pm**

After driving on the road for what seemed like days, Lance’s mother finally pulls over next to a truck rest stop. The outside world appeared to be dark, sinister, and cold. His breath would fog up and disappear as quickly as it came on the window. The heat in the car was gradually fading out and his mother was quiet as ever. Even at the age of six, uncomfortable silences were something he could never get used to. He wants to speak up, he has too, but he doesn’t want to bother his mother. According to her, that’s all he ever does. Bother. 

So he slumps back into his booster seat holding his tongue as tightly as he can; Not wanting a single breath to escape. Luckily for him, his mother breaks the silence. She turns around in her seat adjusting her position so she’s able to get a clear look at her son without straining her neck. In a low hushed tone, she utters the words, “Lance… I need you to wait in the car for me honey, mommy will be right back. I promise.” He nods his head, still unable to speak directly to her. He knows that tone, the tone that represents the calm before the storm. 

Ms. McClain turns around in her seat, chest facing the steering wheel of their old jeep. Her cold blue eyes gaze off into the distance searching, analyzing, conjuring. “There he is,” she whispers to herself. His mother unbuckles her seatbelt and climbs out of the car. Before walking away she peeks back inside and looks at her son, eyes dead as night. “What did mommy say Lance?” she questions him, making sure he understood the orders she gave. He shuffles in his booster seat swallowing his last breath, “T-To stay in the car?” His mother smiles at him, each crinkle by her mouth and eyes full of love, old age, and stress. “That’s right pooh bear, te amo.” His sound is muffled as she closes the car door and walks away, “I love you too.” 

The rain cascades, each drop pounding harder with every step she takes. Her skirt is lifted revealing the .22 caliber revolver strapped to her thigh, her preciosa bebé. (precious baby girl) She rotates the cylinder pin at an alarming speed and aims it at the man in front of her. The tip of the barrel makes direct contact with his forehead, slowly bruising. He laughs and under his heavy breath provoking her, “No lo harás, no si significa dejar a tu hija sin un padre” (you won’t, not if it means leaving your daughter behind) Her face swells up with distaste, unable to counteract the words that punctured her. 

A loud bang resonates through the air and a small cloud of smoke is the only thing visible between the adult that’s holding his ears, body shaking from the impact of the noise; and the adult whose breath is short from adrenaline mixed with anger. Ms.McClain steps on the man’s chest, leaning down so they’re face to face. Breaths intertwining she vows, “La próxima vez que viene cerca de mi hijo será el último, y soy bueno en el cuidado de mi palabra!” (the next time you come near my son will be the last, and I’m good at keeping my word) She lifts her foot and kicks him in the stomach before walking back to the car. Once inside the same coldness Lance felt has significantly risen. She straps the gun back to her thigh and locks the doors. Ms.McClain then cranks the car letting the vibrations gently shake their bodies, the heat is finally rising.

Before driving off she turns around in her seat to smile at her baby boy; she smiles at him and reaches back as far as she could to wipe the tears from his face. “Lancey,” she says, her voice filled with concern.

“Yes, momma?”

“You did really good today mister, I’m so proud of you.”

His mother's words meant everything to him and sadly she’ll never seem to realize that. 

“Gracias Mami,” he responds.

“You’re such a good boy and I love you; and listen to me when I tell you this,” suddenly grabbing Lance by the collar and pulling him close. Their noses almost touch and the position he’s in is uncomfortable given that he’s still buckled into his booster seat. He averts his eyes, not wanting to look at his mother since he’s scared, unable to confirm what happens next. This only makes her more impatient.

“Look at me mijo when I tell you this, don’t let _anyone_ get to you. No matter how hard things might get, pain is just weakness leaving the body. I want you to be _fuerte (strong)_ , and listen to your instincts, and of course your momma. Te amo baby and I’ll be _damned_ if anyone takes you away from me.” 

His mother gently pushes him back into the seat and wipes the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She looks in the rearview mirror and sees Lance fidgeting with his fingers. She puts the car in drives and slams on the gas. “Mijo, you better be ready to kick some ass! ¿Entiendes? (you understand?) He nods his head with a smile plastered across his face; his mother’s words meant everything to him and sadly she’ll never seem to realize that. 

* * *

**April 18th, 2019**

**Garrison University**

**1:48 pm**

Lance was dreading the fact that he had to meet with Lotor. Well...he didn’t _have_ too, but it was the only way for him to officially move on. Lance was sick of seeing Lotor parade around school with a smile plastered on his face while he sulked and tried not to physically kill himself. Every day was a nightmare after the break-up and having to breathe the same air or _god forbid_ be in the same room with him was heart-crushing. Today was the day and Lance didn’t care, he couldn’t care if the whole school would be talking about this for weeks. After years of trying to fit in, he learned that he’d rather be rejected for being himself than being accepted for someone he’s not. Even if everyone were to leave him, he’ll make sure to never lose himself in the process. 

He walked into the student lounge and gazed around the room looking for any trace of white hair, which didn’t take long since there were only three people at his school who fit the description. He accidentally made eye contact with Lotor and his body was instantly covered in chills as if he decided to take a welcoming ice bath. His chest grew tight and his body wouldn’t stop shaking but he knew he couldn’t just stand there. He remembers his mom telling him to be _fuerte,_ but he couldn’t help feeling like an emotional baby boy, an emotional man. He builds up his remaining courage and strides up to Lotor, with a little too much pep in his step if you ask me. 

“Hey!” he yells at Lotor, eyes beginning to water. Lotor turns his head towards Lance and crosses his leg, flipping his luscious hair off his shoulder. “What?” he exclaims, drawing attention from people around him. Lance’s hands are trembling at this moment and his throat is slowly sinking into the pit of his stomach. “J-Just hear me out okay? And you’re not allowed to say anything until I’m done or I’m going to shit myself.” Lotor chuckles a bit at Lance’s last statement as he holds his hand up in a defensive position. Lance takes a deep breath and he thinks to himself, _“Go big or go home.”_

“Daily I tell myself that I don’t need you, that I never needed you and that I never really loved you. I tell myself that I don’t need you to love me. How can I sleep at night knowing that I’ll never amount to anything for you? I can’t Lotor. Is it fair to love me too? I just thought you were my everything and a part of me still does because you were willing to hold my pieces together for a bit and at the time that’s all I ever wanted. But the way you treated me was disgusting and I’ll never forgive you for that. And I hope everyone finds out how narcissistic and abusing you are. It hurts so much and you refuse to understand how hard it is for me. Everything that I love is gone and everything that I need.” he murmured, tears now strolling down his face, his sobs echoing in the room. People stop and take notice, including Shiro and Keith who were passing by. 

Lotor looks up at Lance and his heart sinks, feeling somewhat remorseful for making Lance cry like this. But also kind of agitated since he was causing a scene. “Ugh, let me get you outta here,” he says, getting up from the lounge and placing his hands around his shoulder and lower back guiding Lance from the crowd of people. Completely lost in his thoughts, it takes Lance a second to realize that Lotor was touching him. Unaware of the circumstance at hand he freaks out accidentally socking Lotor in the mouth. “Get the fuck off me!” Lance screams, completely horrified that Lotor even had the audacity to touch him. The crowd gasps and more people join in to watch. Keith and Shiro who at the front of the group, are pained to see Lance like this, but it’s not their place to interfere and besides what would they even do? Say, “Noooo don’t be mean to him?” 

“You took that away from me and even though everyone thinks I’m fine and moved on, I’m torn to pieces and have fallen completely apart. I hate myself and I hate you because I know that there’s still a possibility of me taking you back if you came to my doorstep.” Lance spilled to Lotor and his unwelcoming entourage. 

At this point Lotor doesn’t even care nor is he listening to Lance’s whiny voice, he’s so abhorred that Lance hit him. Completely baffled, amused, and frankly angry. He wipes his mouth and spits out the small pool of blood onto the floor. The people around him collectively step back and cringe with excitement because they know shits about to go down. Lotor grabs Lance by his wrist, squeezing them with all his strength, shaking him violently before letting him go. Lance falls to the ground with a thud and Lotor climbs on top of him, holding the boy beneath him in place. Lance is screaming bloody murder, “Get off me! Let me go! Lotor please...I’m sorry! I said I was sorry! I promise… I promise..” his screams fade and transition into a sob. 

Everyone watching thinks this is getting out of hand but no one is willingly to help the poor boy. Shiro and Keith shove a couple of people out of their way, trying to get to Lance as quickly as possible. The fact that no one was helping was sick. Keith grabs Lotor by his hair and throws him off of Lance while Shiro picks up the boy laying on the floor, throwing him over his shoulder. Lance is still full of adrenaline and won’t stay still in Shiro’s hold. “Put me down! Bájame! Bájame!” Shiro’s grip tightens around Lance’s firm but smooth waist, “I can’t until you calm down!” He turns around and sees Keith repeatedly punching Lotor in the chest, trying his best to avoid the face. “Eat a bag of dicks,” Lotor said in a rather hoarse tone. Keith grabs Lotor by his collar and slams their heads together thus knocking him out. 

Keith stands up over him and kicks him the balls, “Try eating that.” 

Shiro shakes his head at his partner and tells him it's time to leave in a demanding tone, "Keith let’s go!”

“Alright alright, calm your tits!” Keith replied, feeling accomplished for defending Lance. He jogs up on the left of Shiro where Lance’s long limbs are dangling. He stopped flailing but the tears didn't seem to be going anywhere. A soft hiccup escapes his lips causing Shiro and Keith to turn their heads in order to hide their flustered faces; because that was the cutest thing they ever heard. Sad, but cute nonetheless. This boy strapped to Shiro was going to be the death of them. They finally reached the infirmary that’s located at the very end of the school. Why? I don’t know. The nurse wasn’t there, but that was nothing new. Garrison University just wanted their students to die apparently. Who are they to play God yanno? 

All three boys walk in, Keith removing the curtains around the sectioned off beds while Shiro simultaneously places Lance on the bed. They pull up chairs from the nearby desk and sit patiently, waiting for the boy in front of them to calm down. Keith was about to speak up but a large callused hand stops him, Shiro looks at him and nods in the direction of Lance. He’s fidgeting with his thumbs, a nervous habit he had since he was a kid. A few moments go by and he sits up straight, using his sleeves as a tissue for his wet and swollen eyes. He stares at the boys in front of him and his heart skips a beat. Keith and Shiro are literally his knights in shining armour. He laughs to himself, confusing them. 

“What’s so funny?” perplexed Keith, trying to make his voice not sound so intimidating.

“It might sound weird, but I kinda feel like a princess. I mean Shiro carried me on his back like Shrek did Fiona and Keith you’re donkey beating the shit out of the bad guys.” Lance replied, cracking up at his own reference. Shiro and Keith look at each other and awkwardly laugh along with Lance until the sound finally quiets down.

“Wait...have you guys not seen Shrek?” 

“Shrek?” they question.

“Yes… _Shrek_. Oh. my. God. I can’t believe you guys!” Lance flops onto the bed, “This is beyond me! One day I’m gonna show you guys this movie and that’s a promise.” Shiro interjects, “Are you asking us out?” Keith shoves his elbow into his partner and whispers, “What the fuck Kashi???” He lightly shoves the boy next to him, “It’s fine, I got this.” Keith scoffs but decides to give up. Once Shiro makes his mind up, there’s no room for argument. 

Lance abruptly sits up, blushing like crazy. He smiles, eyes wide and full of hope. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Uhh…” Shiro hesitated. Keith looks at him with the _I told you so_ look.

“So, I’ll take that as a maybe then. But aren’t you two like dating?” Lance coaxed, trying to see if they’re single. Not because he’s ready for a new relationship, just because he likes keeping his options open. He knows he's a flirt and doesn’t want to compromise their relationship. 

“Of course,” they said in unison, without any ounce of hesitation. Keith added, But uh-”

He was cut off by Lance, “Then it’s a date but not a _date date_ ya feel? It’s the least I can do for uh… helping me back there. I would hate for you guys to get in trouble because of me.” His once cheery attitude slowly slumped into despair. Shiro places his hands on Lance’s, unconsciously looking right into his eyes. 

“Oh...uh...um,” Lost in words and lost in his eyes, Shiro is starstruck. He always admired the color or Lance’s eyes but seeing them up close was an entirely different experience. A dark but vibrant blue coinciding with the dark freckles that cover his face was a gift from the heavens. Lance was pulling knots in Shiro’s heart, refusing to loosen up, refusing to let go, refusing to unravel. The grip on Lance’s hand was beginning to tighten and panic was slowly creeping it’s way up from the depths of the hell. 

“Uh.. haha.. You’re kind of crushing me here man.” He lets go quickly, feeling embarrassed by his actions, “S-sorry, haha.” Keith smiles at the pinkness of his partner's ears. It was one of the many things that made him so cute. He rolls his eyes and turns his attention to Lance, 

“What happened back there?” he asked, wanting to understand the nature of Lance’s relationship with Lotor.

Lance looks at Keith, caught off guard by his sudden yet personal question. He folds his arms, feeling vulnerable and defensive, “Well...it depends.”

“Depends on what?” Keith remarked.

“How much did you see?”

“The whole thing really, sorry but you were kind of making a scene.” He said bluntly. His words cut deep into Lance’s core. “Thanks for the reminder, Mullet.”

“Mullet?” he huffed.

“Well have you seen yourself?” he mocked. Shiro noticed Keith’s tone of voice and knew this was about to get ugly and he should probably get Keith away from Lance. “Lance, it’s really none of our business. We’re just glad you’re okay now.” he chimed in. Keith was about to make a retort but was interrupted by a phone call for Lance. He gets up from the bed and gives them an apologetic look while Shiro seems almost relieved. He’s learned that once Keith gets going, there is, in fact, nothing you can do to stop that man. Lance picks up the phone with a strong, enthusiastic, yet gentle voice. Something they weren’t used to hearing, especially from Lance McClain who was known to be kinda loud and flamboyant. 

“Hey, Bud!” Lance bubbled, smiling from ear to ear.

“Yeah I’m good, well I’m not, I actually feel like shit...but what’s up?” The look in his eyes took a sudden turn, the only thing present was fear. “Y-yeah, I’ll be there soon and please Hunk, don’t let them calm my Tio (uncle). Like... I swear to god… please promise me Hunk...thanks bud. Eres el amor de mi vida! (you are the love of my life!) Shoving his phone back into his pocket he waves the boys goodbye and runs out of the room. 

“Raincheck on Shrek? Gotta go…” Completely confused about the entire situation they both run after Lance. 

“Hey are you okay?!” asked Keith, feeling terrible about provoking Lance.

“Where are you going!?” asked Shiro. 

He abruptly stops and the boys almost run into him. “Please stop following me, I’m fine. So drop it okay. Stop acting as you care.” _Listen to me mijo when I tell you this, don’t let anyone get to you. His mother’s worse ringing in his ears._

“But Lance..” Keith and Shiro pleaded, voices wavering in concern. 

“Shut it. Look… I appreciate you, I really do but I don’t have the time for this. I’m sorry.” 

He turns his back away from them and continues to run down the corridor; the distance that was once closing between them only seemed to grow. He was so close and tangible and now it seems like they'll never get him back. If you love something you let it go right? But what if you never had the chance to even hold on? 

While Lance is running he can’t help but feel consumed and devoured by his thoughts. _I can’t do anything right. I’m so helpless. This is all my fault. I deserve what’s happening to me. It’s my fault. It’s my fault. It’s my fault._

He stops running after reaching the door to the Dean of Garrison University, chest feeling like cold needles. After catching his breath and collecting himself, he opens the door and immediately scans the room, hoping to not see his Tio. However, luck is not on his side, but then again it never was. Hunk sees Lance and mouths, “Sorry, he was already here.” Lance waves his hand dismissing Hunk from thinking that it was his fault. He can’t exactly stop something that already happened. 

Lance’s Tio walks over to him, resting his hand on his shoulder. His Tio quickly removes his it when his nephew smacks it away. “No me toques! (don’t touch me!) I had enough of people placing their hands on me today.” His uncle laughs nervously and sits down in the chair across from Hunk. “Lance please take a seat,” said Mr.Iverson. Lance shakes his head, “No, I’d rather stand. Thanks for your concern.” Iverson clears his throat, “It’s been brought to my attention that you had a physical altercation with another student today. I'll let you know that violence outside of training is strictly prohibited and is punishable by expulsion. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Lance shakes his head, “I hope the bastard dies.” His uncle glares at him, “Hijo de la respuesta equivocado.” (wrong answer son) He tries to ignore what his uncle said but the words are eating at him. But he’s not going to step down and let Lotor have his way. “If you’re fishing for an apology or a confession from me or anyone else involved then tough luck,” he swore. His uncle purses his eyebrows together, the knuckles of his fist turning white. He just about had it with his nephew's intolerable actions. “Siga portándose mal y ver lo que pasa. (keep acting up and see what happens) At this point, Lance was too scared to speak up for himself. He wants Keith and Shiro to be let go but at what cost? Mr.Iverson felt the tension growing in the room and he quickly had to set things straight. He hates having to deal with angry parents or guardians of that matter. 

“Lance, I’ve decided to not expel you based on your merit alone, but if this happens again don’t expect me to be so lenient. Now off you go. And you too Hunk, thanks for coming in.” 

And with that, Lance’s uncle removes himself from the chair and shakes hands with the Dean, giving him his condolences. “Well, I guess this is our call to get out of your hair. Thank you for not expelling my mijo. We all know how hard he worked to get accepted here. Right mijo?”

“Oh uh y-yeah.” he faltered, feeling uncomfortable and disgusting in his own skin. He shoves his hands into his pockets and quickly leaves the office saying goodbye to Mr.Iverson and Hunk; who felt completely helpless. Lance and his Uncle leave the Dean’s office walking down the corridor in the direction of Lance’s dorms. His uncle leans in close and whispers in his nephew’s ear about how he should never speak like that again and how much of an embarrassment he was. His uncle then playfully shoves Lance, causing him to stumble, keys falling out of his pocket. “You better be home today or I will come and get you. Stay out of trouble!” How could his fake cheerful tone be conceived so eerie? _This is why no one believes me. He’s a fraud. A liar. A liar. A liar._

Lost in his thoughts yet again, he doesn’t notice that a certain someone is crouched beneath him holding his keys. Unsure of what to say, Shiro just stays there, not wanting to be the idiot to drive him away. 

“Ah... _fuck_ _me_. How long have you been there? Jesus Christ, Shiro. It’s like you want me to die.” Lance squeaked, nerves all over the place. _I need to stop zoning out._

Shiro chuckles, “Sorry. I promised I would rather have you alive, haha.” He stands up, peering over Lance. _Damn, I knew he was tall but not like this._

“You seem to be having a rough day and sorry about you know...getting all up in your business,” he added, handing the keys back. 

“No, I’m sorry. You guys were just worried about me. And that’s something I took for granted. So..uh..sorry again.”

“No worries, I just hope you’re feeling better and if not... I could probably help?” He nudges Lance with his elbow, “Help you take your mind off things.”

“Uhh..don’t you have a boyfriend?” he yawned. Unamused about Shiro’s shallow attempt at getting him in bed. “I don’t like cheaters,” he added bluntly. 

“Oh, my god...no. no. no. That’s not what I meant!” Totally flustered, “I mean unless?” 

Lance rolls his eyes and walks passed the tall, built man. _I need to get away from him before Keith kills me._ Shiro covers his face in shame, “I was joking! Please come back!” Lance laughs out loud, “It’s kind of hard to come back, haha. The last time I checked, my dick was a leaf blower, not a vacuum.” He turns around and sees Shiro on his knees shaking his fist at the world like they do in the movies. They look at each other and burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. “W-Why are you doing that?! Aha haha… oh my god. Please get up.” 

“You’re one to talk haha… You called your dick a leaf blower! What the fuck does that mean?!” Shiro coaxed, gaining back his rigid composure. Lance fondly looks at Shiro, “It means what it means. So what was this help you were talking about, hm?”

“Well...that’s actually a surprise.”

“Surprise sex?” joked Lance, trying to keep his composure.

“Oh god, no..why would you say that haha?” 

“Well...I hate surprises,” Lance deadpanned.

“ _Really_?” puzzled Shiro, unable to confirm if Lance was just messing with him.

“No, but that surprised you right?” joked Lance, lightly punched him in the arm. “You’ll tell me when we get there right? Because I don’t do too well with secondary locations.” He added.

“Contrary to popular belief, life is all about secondary locations, however, this one isn’t out to get ya. So, what do you say?”

“I say if you want it, go get it. What are you waiting for? Let’s go!” Lance cheered, skipping down the corridor with Shiro not too far behind him. At this moment, Lance knew that everything was going to be okay for a while. And maybe a while was all he needed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well... this is the first chapter rewrite and I won't deny that it took a while, but I did have a lot of fun. This story is going to be hella long and I can confirm since the original has 2000 fewer words than this one. And baby we're only on chapter one! Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think. Also if you guys understood any references just know you are the chosen one. Thanks Again! I can't stress this enough on how good it feels to be back! Bye Bye.


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